"YoU'rE sO sEnSiTiVe."
No, you're rude. I hate hearing variations of this message. It does a couple of things. First, it denies the speaker of responsibility. If I say something mean or rude to you, I expect to get an equal, opposite reaction from you. Not everybody is going to react the same way, but a reaction is almost inevitable. For instance, if you insult me, I'm going to try to hide the sting because I really don't want you to know you hurt me. I'm going to pokerface my way out of the situation and probably talk myself through the pain in private. Others might be rude back. Equal and opposite. Others are rock fucking solid and really won't take what you say personally.
Good for them.
Just because something isn't hurtful to you doesn't mean it isn't hurtful to someone else. Just because one person reacted one way doesn't mean that another person is going to react the same way. We might even step in soft places we didn't know were there, but we actually have the power to digest new information and move forward with greater intelligence. Take responsibility for your words and actions. It's actually pretty easy to be nice.
Second, this message denies the target her feelings. Barking at somebody's sensitivity is, in a way, how the dinkhole channels his own sensitivity. You're not fooling me, Mr. Sir! If you don't want to upset me, why say something upsetting? You're not exactly giving anyone thicker skin by blaming them for reacting in a way you are uncomfortable with.
😒 "Stop being so sensitive."
😂 "Golly, what an idea! Problem fucking solved!"
The APA defines sensitive as
- adj. responsive to stimuli, changes in the environment, feelings, or other phenomena; that is, having sensitivity
- adj. having well-developed or intense affective sensibility
Let's think of this word in another context. Mark has sensitive skin. When his skin reacts to a certain temperature or chemical, does he really think telling it to toughen up is going to solve the problem? No, his skin's still going to break out. Why? Because it's fucking sensitive.
Kyle could (a) ignore his skin's reaction, frustrating himself because his skin won't chill tf out, or (b) learn new ways to treat his skin, working with instead of against its natural reaction.
"Skin gets so offended these days! This fucking PC weather/face wash!"
Sensitivity is actually a great indicator of emotional intelligence. As we can see in the APA's definition above, sensitive people sense stuff. You know when Spiderman says whatever about his spidey senses? Nobody's telling fucking Spiderman that he's being too sensitive. It's one of his super powers!
When we're good at sensing stuff, it's more likely we're able to produce moving works of art or music or poetry that reflect how we feel--or maybe how others feel. When we're sensitive, we not only feel bad things deeply but we feel great things intensely. Even though at one point we may have sunk to the bottom of the ocean, we also know what it feels like to rise in flight to another galaxy. Being sensitive can suck sometimes, but it can also be pretty incredible.
I have a couple more definitions to bring into this discussion before I sign off. The Cambridge English Dictionary supplies the following definitions:
- Insensitive adj. not feeling or showing sympathy for other people's feelings, or refusing to give importance to something
- Desensitize v. to cause someone to experience something, usually an emotion or a pain, less strongly than before
These two definitions kind of paint a picture of rude people, don't they? Rude people may have been desensitized, denied their own feelings at one point or another. Maybe they're insensitive. It's possible a critical figure early on was insensitive to their natural emotions. Input *bloop* output. It's hard to give X if we don't know what X looks or feels like. In a way, these types of people missing something.
Something beautiful.
While I do believe in looking for new ways to strengthen myself, I also believe in looking at things that weigh me down. Some things are consequences of my own behaviors, but some things are not. People have told me that my feelings are my responsibility, but successful relationships are seldom one-way interactions. I do have the biggest role in my mental circus, but it's not always easy to dodge or work through hurtful things. And that's okay. I don't want to lose my sensitivity. It colors my life so beautifully. And, honestly, the last thing the world needs is another grayscale merpface knocking people down and blaming them when they hit the ground.
The ground loves you, babe! Keep falling. The more times we fall, the more times we stand up (I hope), and the wiser we become in helping others do the same. :)
If you're looking for an outlet, or if you want to vent about a Dinkhole Merpface in your life, please take advantage of the contact box on the right-hand side of this page. You don't need to feel alone. I'm not a doctor (yet!) but I'll try to help you the best I can.
Stay well, you beautiful weirdos!
The ground loves you, babe! Keep falling. The more times we fall, the more times we stand up (I hope), and the wiser we become in helping others do the same. :)
If you're looking for an outlet, or if you want to vent about a Dinkhole Merpface in your life, please take advantage of the contact box on the right-hand side of this page. You don't need to feel alone. I'm not a doctor (yet!) but I'll try to help you the best I can.
Stay well, you beautiful weirdos!
